The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5
About 15 years ago a lady called our church and asked if there was a woman that would come to her house and counsel her. I was the lady they sent. When I arrived she was very disturbed and emotional. I listened to her plight and shared scripture with her as to what the Lord said she was to do. As I read the scripture, you could see in her eyes that she was understanding and it was as if a light had come on. All of a sudden she bent forward and took me by the hand and said, “You are an answer to my prayers!” I said, “I am?” She said, “Yes, I have asked the Lord to send an older woman to me, that could help me know what to do and you are that older woman.” She was excited that I was an old lady, while I was sitting there in shock thinking she and I were the same age!
Well, I had just turned 50 years old and I never thought of myself as OLD! What a shock to my system! I ran home and took a good look in the mirror and had to admit that I wasn’t a YOUNG WOMAN.
Since I am an older woman, there is one thing I would like to teach you. That is how to love your husband! Not that I’ve learned it all, but I have learned how important it is to love that man. When I first saw Jerry, my thoughts were what he might mean to my life, not what I might could mean to his life. My thoughts were what he might do for me, not what I might be called to do for him. I was very self-centered, but did not realize it at that time. I had much to learn!
The first four years of our marriage I stayed mad at him because he was not fulfilling my needs as I thought he should. Not that he wasn’t trying. He was trying very hard, but the Lord would not allow him to touch the empty part of my heart. The Lord wanted to be the one to meet my need. He did not want me to look to Jerry for my life. When I got that straight with the Lord and began to look to the Lord, and then to Jerry, it began to work and I began to learn how to love Jerry.
Love is doing what is right even when you have no desire to. Love is doing what you do to bless another life, even if it is very hard to do. Love is putting someone else before your needs. Loving as Christ did is the most rewarding act you can commit. You cannot love and resent at the same time.
You cannot love and hold a grudge. You cannot love and be angry at the same time. You either do what comes natural (which naturally is wrong) or you do what God says to do and you act through the spirit of love. Many times Jerry and I have irritated one another and found ourselves ready to devour one another. Vengeance is so ugly! Remember, vengeance belongs to God. Jerry and I have learned that we do not have to prove that we are right and we do not have to prove that the other one is dumb! When we back off and give a little time and thought to the other person, it gives room to make things right without feeling like you have to vindicate yourself. Knowing the other one is not waiting to say, “I told you so,” also helps tremendously.
We will never agree on everything and we will never remember things alike, but there is never a reason to divide over our differences. As the Scripture says,
Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity !
It is like the precious ointment upon the head, that ran down upon the beard, even Aaron’s beard: that went down to the skirts of his garments;
Ps 133:1-2
Unity is the best way to know that you are walking in love. You don’t have to agree with someone in order to love them, but you do have to be agreeable to enjoy a love relationship. Women set the spirit of the home, and it is so easy to have a bad spirit. When we live with a bad spirit we do damage to the very people that we look to for our encouragement. We shoot ourselves in the foot.
How do we know that we have been effective with our love? By the smile that our husband has when he looks into our eyes. If, when our eyes meet, we see contempt, anger or disgust, then our manner of loving has not been effective. There is a warmth and a pleasant atmosphere when a person knows that they are loved. I watch Jerry’s face when he looks at me and I know if I am effective or if I am repulsive. And believe me, I can be both! When I get mad, I have a 1,000 ways to kill and 999 will work! I must not live with the spirit to destroy if I hope to live in love! Too many hours have been wasted with silly emotions that divide one another. Life is too short to live mad.
Jerry and I are living in our 50th year of marriage. We have experienced every phase of marriage except unfaithfulness. Thank the Lord we haven’t had to endure the pain of unfaithfulness. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen my husband look to the ceiling to avoid casting his eyes on a lewd woman. He has taken great efforts to be true to me and I appreciate all of those efforts. Both Jerry and I decided before marriage that there would be no going home to momma for either one of us. That kept us together through our tough times. We believed that we made our bed and we were responsible to stay in it. When you believe these principles, you work out your differences so you don’t have to live miserably! Neither one of us believed in divorce, so if we were going to have to stay together forever, then we would do what we could to be happy. These beliefs determined our work ethics to solve problems. The results have been a wonderful marriage that we wouldn’t take anything for. Anything you work for, you appreciate. I’m glad it has not been easy learning to love one another. Our love is a deep love that covers every part of our lives. We know each other inside and out. He thinks my thoughts and I think his. It’s a wonderful life.
Jerry had his yearly check up the day before Thanksgiving and it was not good news. His heart is working at 20%. We are not living in fear or anxiousness. We believe that God determines our times and we are going to enjoy every moment we have together, just as we have in the past. The truth is, none of us know our time.
Are we doing the best we can with the time we have? How long has it been since you stopped and said, “I love you,” to that loved one in your life? I hope you will forgive me for making this article so personal to my life, but Jerry’s check up has made me stop and remember just how blessed I have been to have a godly loving and thoughtful husband all of these wonderful years. Maybe I’m not the only one who should stop and give thanks for God’s goodness to us and our loved ones.
My mother was a widow for over 40 years and I shall never forget what she said to me about five years after my father was gone. She said, “Gloria, I used to get so mad when your father left his socks in the floor at the end of the bed. She said, “For 33 years I tried to get him to pick them up and he never learned.” Then she got this look on her face that I shall never forget and said, “I would give anything to have his socks in the floor at the end of the bed today.” Some o
f the things that we allow to divide us, one day will seem so small.
You and I do not know if we have a tomorrow and we should make sure that we tell our loved ones what they have meant to us today. My sister just fell dead one morning and I had no opportunity to say a word. I am so glad that we had laughed together the day before. I had given her my time that Saturday and fixed her hair for her. While I would have loved to have told her goodbye, I had no regrets because I had told her I loved her.
Jerry and I are in our 60’s and at our best we don’t have a long time left. We have decided, we are going to get the best out of the time the Lord gives us. What about you and your loved ones? When we are gone, let those who knew us remember us as a person who loved with a pure love to all and let our lives encourage others to live in this same love. Pure Christianity produces the greatest relationships in the world. Let’s enjoy those relationships as if there is no tomorrow.